; what a SMALL world ;

i think it's been 5 years now that im having a crush on him.,

i really can't believe it.,
we totally had so much in common.,
same place and subdivision that we're living 'til we're grown ups.,
neighbors.,
same school and same course now in college.,
schoolmates.,
same month of birth.,
July.,
what a super coincidence isn't it?
and not all that, he was my recent classmate on one of our major subject last semester.,

well, i have a crush on him since i was second year highschool., i think?
our house were very near to each other, that's why i could really see him sometimes back then.,
but when i found out that they transferred to other house but same subdivision as well,
im starting not to see him and im also starting to get used to it.,
im also starting to forget about his appearance and about my feelings for him too.,

because we really don't know each other.,
we never meet up and i just knew him as my mysterious crush.,
and i only found out his name by my old classmate in elementary because he's also his friend.,
as a matter of fact, my feelings for him didn't get serious as time had gone by.,
but im the type of girl that if i really like someone,
i can never erase the fact that i still like him no matter how long will it be not seeing him except if he had a girlfriend already.,
of course, im not a desperate girl who's still liking someone who's already had a girlfriend.,

and most especially, if we got a chance to meet up, have a conversation and communication,
my feelings for him will grow because that's what i am.,
my feelings would really grow if we had a communication.,
and if we'll deeply known each other.,
especially, if i already like him.,

nowadays, when i knew that he was my schoolmate and we're in the same course.,
i had a really big problem in dealing with it.,
because i could almost see him inside or outside the campus., ugh!
and i found out that my old classmate shared comments with him on friendster,
my classmate told all about me and he said that i had a crush on him., what?!
and that's also the reason why i couldn't even say “hi” to him even though we're classmate last sem.,
and some of my blockmates knew him but i never greet him when he's around.,
because im shy and he already knew that i had a crush on him.,

“kaya baka isipin lang niya na nagpapapansin lang ako sa kanya o nag-aassume dahil alam niyang may gusto ako sa kanya.”

“minsan na din niya akong sinabihan ng mataray at suplada dahil nga sa hindi ko siya pinapansin pero may reason talaga ako kung bakit ko hindi magawang makipag-kaibigan sa kanya.”

“sabi nga ng classmate ko, ayos nga yun lani na ang first impression sa'yo ng crush mo, "mataray", iisipin niya hard to get ka pa rin kahit na alam niyang may gusto ka sa kanya.”

and as of now, while dealing with it,
i used to saw him in our school.,
still seeing him walk, sit, talk, smile and stare.,

I REALLY LIKE THIS GUY!

“ito talagang tao na ito ang pinakamatagal kong naging crush pero iniisip ko din kung paano na kaya kung magkaroon na siya ng girlfriend.”

I WILL NEVER EVER TAKE THE RISK JUST TO BE FRIENDS WITH HIM.,
I WILL NOT LOSE MY PRIDE BECAUSE OF HIM.,
I WILL NEVER EVER TALK TO HIM.,

but it's just words.,

“si God pa rin ang bahala sa'kin.”

even if we haven't talk just for once.,
and just by seeing him within a day.,
my feelings are growing more each day.,
and as for sure, if we'll already get the chance to talk with each other,
definitely, i'll fall in love with him.,
and there's no way he'll catch me when i fall.,

sometimes, im thinking that maybe he's my soulmate.,
and i tried a test last night about my personality and he's the answer to that question.,
the meaning of it that he was my twin soul.,
but that's impossible.,
i don't deserve to be his partner.,
im not the type of girl who he likes.,
im not that pretty and chinita.,
im not petite, im tall and chubby.,
im not that sexy too.,
and he's tall, handsome, gentleman and very intimidating.,
define GORGEOUS.,

so, where's the chance there to make him fall for me?
im just wasting my time with the thoughts of how he will be able to like me.,
still, those simple glimpse, stare and glare.,
i am proud to say that i am already contented and i am happy in every single day that im seeing him.,
for me, i can consider it my special day if we are seeing each other at school.,
he completes my day.,

im not hoping for a chance to be with him.,
im only hoping that he will always smile and laugh everyday.,
and i hope someday, he will meet the love of her life.,
just seeing him happy makes me happy too.,
becasue i also believe that he really deserves to be happy.,
he will be forever in my prayers.,

Lord, please take good care of my special someone.,
please guide him always

I Like Him. And That's All I Could Say. I Like Him. =c

“i don't think i've become emotional when it comes to you, but one thing is for sure,
good emotions burts into happiness.,
bad emotions burst into tears.”

“at diyan ako naguguluhan dahil sa nararamdaman ko para sa’yo.”

(ORIGINALLY POSTED: 1/25/10)

; continuously LEARNING ;

obsessed in learning Korean Languages.,

oh yeah!
i know im not that smart to learn like some of these things.,
and i know its not my passion too but i can't resist to stop understanding, analyzing and reading some of Korean sentences.,
but just the romanized sentences not the other one sentences.,
that's the one i really don't understand., hehe., =)

well., i don't know what's gotten into me and i don't know why im doing this either.,
maybe because to LEARN something different., of course.,
you know, if only i have lots of money just to enrolled in a school wherein i can study major Korean Languages and i'll definitely do it.,

by the way.,i've already searched some Korean sentences that i'll use to study perhaps from now on., and i know it's totally a big help for me.,

because im the type of person who likes to dream every single time that i've got to think of what i really want.,

and as of now., im thinking that i may not want to stop knowing Korean Languages.,
i want to learn everyday about it.,
i want to know everything about Korean, especially in music.,

oh Korea!
i really love this country., i don't know why.,
i know that's wrong but these Korean people gives me a happiness thoughts to like them more than ever.,
i love the way they talk.,
the way they act.,
their traditions.,
and their performers.,

but there's one scary thing for sure.,
this country has got a lot of suicide cases.,
haha! but of course., its no big deal for me.,

and that's one of my biggest dream so far.,
to visit their country and meet some Korean artists that i really like.,

Fighting Lani!
Aja!

(^^,)

(ORIGINALLY POSTED: 12/8/09)

; break the SEM ;

at last! it's sembreak! and i've got so many plans to do this vacation.,

and i know that through this simple and short vacation that we had, i can do now all the things and activities that i never did in my summer vacation because i had a lack of time doing it and i just waste my time doing other not-so-important things.,

i hope this sembreak will be a great vacation for me.,
i wish i'll have a lot of fun for this one.,
finally relax for this free day that i'll have.,
do other stuff that i really wanted to do since then.,
and most importantly, rest my mind to think other things that'll gonna explode my mind just to think of study works.,

and for my blog., OMG!

i really forgot about this one because i had a super duper silly busy schedule this first semestrial.,
when i always got home from school, im always feel so retarded, exhausted and haggard and then i'll just face the computer and do some stuff for the school.,
well., it's really hard, annoying and tiring to do that kind of stuff.,
and im so dumb not to type my doings, thoughts and other things in my life here in this blog.,
those days that i had., i really don't have the time to do some things in my blog.,
how pathetic i am., right??

and now., my first semestrial this year has finally over.,
the truth is., it was almost one week since we had the break.,
but only now that i visit again my blog.,
how bad, Lani!

my first sem was not that great., but it was good.,
i experienced so many new things besides performing on a musical play, having a unique fashion show and doing a lot of sleep-overs in my classmates' house.,
we had a recollection this sem., and i think it was fun.,

this sem also reminds me of my first experienced that my long time crush was my classmate in one of our major subject.,
well., im really not that happy because even if we're classmates, still, we don't get to meet each other "again".,
and i was thinking, when will it happen that we'll finally meet??
aaw., maybe in my dreams., ;(

there's really no memorable moments in my second year-first sem.,
ugh., i don't know., i really don't like College.,
it doesn't make any sense.,
i don't feel this kind of studying.,
full of sufferring., sacrificing., sleeping late at night., doing homeworks that it was like a project already.,
i hate COLLEGE!

maybe if only i have a highschool classmate who was still my classmate right now., my own College definition would change.,
it's true., i mean it.,

yeah., my College friends., they're funny., nice and friendly.,
but still., i like most of my friends in highschool.,
the bonding that we had is so hard to forget.,
i am sorry to say., but there's one thing problem in my other classmates., although SOME of them were not like this.,
but they are too immature., some things that they're doing could never be done seriously.,
but i had many college friends right now whom i can be trust and i can depend on.,
i love those guys!

"Highschool friends is the best among the rest."
"Agree..."

but i can't do anything about this College thing., because that's also my gateway to become a professional and have a decent and stable job in the future.,
having a work in the future is the only thing why you're studying in College., and i think that's my perception now.,
so, i only think that it'll be over soon, it's a part of life, it's another chapter for me to encounter,
it's just a practice for you to be a better one and to achieve your goal.,
College is really hard as you think it is.,
it is not just studying but it is a struggle for you to solve and conquer it.,
and as for now, ill just do my job being a not-so-good college student.,
and i'll take my chances with it as long as im studying coz not all teenagers could enter this stage.,

"Two years na lang, graduate na din"
"Sana..."

P.S.: from now on., i would have the time to get busy again with my blog., ;D

(ORIGINALLY POSTED: 11/4/09)

; it was GREAT ;

at last! i had another achievement for myself, haha!

i didn't even know that i can do it.
but i did.
it was my first time being a part of a musical play.
and not just a part of it.
i am part of the lead cast.

and i really did expect that it would turn out to be a fantastic show.
because i know that my block mates are talented and superficial
when it comes to events like this. haha!
and my hopes were high for them that they can do an amazing show.
and i was truly right.

i am so proud of my block mates.
COM12, COM22, COM32, COM42.

i will always remember this incredible experience.
and it was already part of my memorable moments now.
i wish i could do it all over again.

i will miss RENT!
the practice.
the dress rehearsals.

"puyat at pagod"

and i wish i have pictures so i can upload it here to share it with some people who will read my blog.
but i don't have any pictures here yet.
maybe next time i'll try to find some pictures or even videos of our play and then i can upload it here.

i am so proud of what i've done.
the other side of me has been revealed. haha! JOKE!
i really can't believe that i can do a different stuff like that.

and i've learned that just gain your confidence in what you really need to do and accomplish.
especially if your course is: Ab Communication.

but maybe this poster of our play will help to imitate your minds of what we did in the play. haha!

(^^,)

(ORIGINALLY POSTED: 9/30/09)

; just for GUYS ;

well, that's for the guys who notice even if the smallest things about girls.

then here are some for the girls who notice some things in guys.

i just made it by myself. but of course, i asked questions with some of my friends.

What is the first thing you noticed about guys?

and here's what they answered.

~ Your eyes. The way you look at us make us so kilig and it melts us.

~ Your height. We just like to lay our head on your shoulder for comfort or just chin up whenever you're talking to us.

~ Your smile. Especially if you have dimples.

~ Your voice. Even if you're husky or not, but we like cool voice that's sounds nice to our ears and we are a fan if you're good at singing.

~ Your behavior. We don't like talkative ones, we go for silent type but if you talk with us, there's probably a good sense of humor.

~ Your outfit. Never a fan of hip hop style, simple polo shirt, maong pants and rubber shoes will do.

~ Your awesome smell. We like it if we already smell your oh - so - seductive perfume even from a far.

~ Your talent in instruments. Plus points if you're good at playing any instruments, especially guitar.

~ Your hygiene or how clean you are. We feel like it if you're "parang laging bagong ligo" and girls are turn off with nails that aren't clean and long, cut it out, okay!

~ Your hair, It doesn't matter if your hair has a color but we don't like "spikey" hair like a Dragon Ball thing and full of gel.

~ Your real personality. We can easily tell if you're a good type of guy from the way you act, walk, sit, stare and stand.

~ Your accessories. We really don't mind if you have earrings.

~ How serious and responsible you are for everything. There's always time to make fun and there's always time to be serious, industrious guys are cool but lazy and sleepy head guys are doom.

~ How sensitive you are. Girls are good at teasing, we don't like "pikon" guys, just go with the flow with us even if we're too mean and off the hook, at least, you understood that we're really crazy sometime.

~ How snobbish you are. We don't like "suplado" but if we're close and you're not in the mood talking to us (means suplado mode), we found it interesting to know you more and it means something to us.

~ How you simply move around us. Girls instincts are strong, we can say that you like us when you act weird and different in front of us unlike in any other girls.

~ Your love in sports. We can never erase the fact that guys really love sports and we can take over watching basketball stuff but believe in us, we're turn on if you're a varsity player.

~ How good you are in dancing. Boys who dance silly groove are cuter than boys who dance perfect and graceful.

~ How long you take time playing DOTA or any other online games. Some of us can never understand what's important on that kind of games and it annoys if you choose playing games rather than having time with us.

~ Your studying strategy. We don't mind if you're not smart or studious but we like it if you're given an assignment or project and you'll make an effort for it.

~ Your popularity inside or outside the campus. We really get jealous when you're with other girls and hanging out with them even if it's just for friends.

~ How respectful you are to your loved - ones. Not only to your loved - ones but also to other people, we could easily see if you're respectful in how you treat a girl.

~ Your attitude of understanding. Girls are really hard to understand but most of us like guys who can deeply trust us, and most important, who can accept us for who we are, be patient to us and love us sincerely.

there you have it, my own lists of whatsoever. haha!

sort of similarities but it was way too cool reading both of it.

you know, one of my dream is to become an editor of a teen magazine.
i hope i'll become one of them soon.

(^^,)

(ORIGINALLY POSTED: 9/16/09)

; CANDY so sweet ;

i love CANDY magazine.

but i don't have all the issues of it.
i just bought three issues as of now.
the first one that i bought, the cover was Maja Salvador, next, my crush: Enchong Dee and the third one, my ultimate crush: Robert Pattinson - the latest issue.

CANDY mag is usually all about real girl stuff, fashion, make - ups, fitness and health, beauty tips and of course about crushes and love life.

(well, dun naman talaga magaling ang mga babae. haha!)

when i first read it, i was so in love with all the articles and the concept of the mag.
it's really a girl thing to be considered.
one of my favorite article was all about "The Secret of Guys that Girls didn't Know".
and i can tell, i knew a lot of things about guys after reading it.

here's one of the article that i really liked too, entitled "What Guys Notice in You".
just check it out, read it and react if you don't agree with one of these.

all the small things... things you don't think guys notice but actually do.
by: Fred Ong

~ Your nails. Even without nail polish on they have to be clean.
~ Your accessories. It can be a simple bracelet, pretty earrings or a necklace that matches.
~ Your outfit. We really don't like too girly.
~ Your singing. And if you don't mind other people hearing you.
~ Your smile. And how often you show it.
~ Your laugh. Loud and lively is great, demure Maria Clara giggles aren't.
~ Your sports or physical activities. You don't have to be an athlete but shopping doesn't count.
~ Your quirks. Whether you can't whistle or don't like root beer.
~ Your text messaging style. Smileys are always encouraging.
~ Your self-confidence. We can tell a lot from the way you walk.
~ Your supportiveness. How much you believe in other people (like us!).
~ How long you take in the bathroom.
~ How much you listen. Because communication is a two-way street.
~ How much you complain about your weight. Love your body any weight you are.
~ How picky you are with food. Plus points if you don't mind street fare like isaw.
~ How appreciative you are of little things that are done for you each day.
~ The movies you watch. Because we can't live on dramas and romantic comedies alone.
~ The music you listen to.
~ Your brain. And whether our conversations are meaningful and interesting.
~ Your heart and how much you care for others: you parents, siblings, friends and ahem, us!

(^^,)

(ORIGINALLY POSTED: 9/16/09)

; ALMOST by tamia ;

eto pa isa.
naku. ano ba yan.
reminisce. reminisce. reminisce.

Can you tell me
How can one miss what she's never had
How could I reminisce when there is no past
How could I have memories of being happy with you boy
Could someone tell me how can this be
How could my mind pull up incidents
Recall dates and times that never happened
How could we celebrate a love that's too late
And how could I really mean the words I'm about to say

I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take the time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

I cannot believe I let you go
Or what I should say I should've grabbed you up and never let you go
I should've went out with you
I should've made you my boo boy
Yes that's one time I should've broke the rules
I should've went on a date
Should've found a way to escape
Should've turned a almost into
If it happened now its too late
How could I celebrate a love that wasn't real
And if it didn't happen why does my heart feel

I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take the time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

(sometimes I wanna rub ya, some nights I wanna hug ya)
And you seem to be the perfect one for me
You (some nights I wanna touch ya but tonight I wanna love ya)
You're all that I ever wanted
And you're my everything yes its true
Boy its hard to be close to you
My love
I know it may sound crazy
But I'm in love with you

I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take the time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

just click here if you want to hear the song.

(ORIGINALLY POSTED: 9/14/09)

; EASY by ne-yo ;

i really love this lyrics.
nakaka-relate talaga ako.

I kept the flowers, the candy,
the letter that you wrote to me
And I laughed a long time
as it all went up in smokes
It was funny ..

See I don't care
No I don't care
Cause you don't care
So I don't care .. anymore

[chorus]
It was easy
Easy to love me
But you didn't wanna try
So it was easy
Easy to leave you, goodbye goodbye goodbye

I got all your messages on my phone
and the texts as well
I will be changing my number tomorrow
and my email

Because I don't care
(don't matter what you try to say)
No I don't care
(don't you realize it's too late)
Cause you didn't care so why should I care now
see you around ..

It was easy, easy to love me (to love me)
But you didn't wanna try (didn't wanna try)
So it was easy, easy to leave you (to leave you)
goodbye goodbye goodbye

Said I remember how much I cried
Inside a part of me died
What would you lately for you (?)
It was the part of me that gave a damn about your lie
Should've been easy

Easy to love me

Should've been easy
It was easy, easy to love me
But you didn't wanna try
So it was easy
Easy to leave you, goodbye goodbye goodbye

just click here if you want to hear the song.

(ORIGINALLY POSTED: 9/14/09)

; on the SPOT ;

i just want to make it go away.

this is my first time typing a blog in tagalog.
para maiba naman, hindi yung lagi na lang ganun.
laging nosebleed din ako. haha!


wala lang. parang tinatamad lang ako gawin lahat ngayon.
kanina nga tinatamad akong kumain, makipag-usap sa mga classmate ko.
pati nga maglakad kanina kinatatamaran ko pa eh.
ewan ko ba kung bakit sobrang iba talaga yung mood ko kanina.
as in define "bad mood".

hindi ko talaga maintindihan sarili ko nitong mga nakaraang araw.
siguro nga tinatamad na lang talaga ako.

kahit nga sa mga activities ko sa school, tinatamad akong gawin.

grabe. ang dami namin gagawin bago mag-finals.
pahihirapan muna talaga kami bago matapos ang sem na 'to.
well, ganun naman talaga 'di ba.
una muna ang paghihirap kesa sa ginhawa.


gusto ko na mag-sembreak.
makasama ko naman yung mga dati kong kaklase.
pero wala naman akong sinabi na ayaw ko kasama yung mga classmate ko ngayon.
masaya nga ko pag kasama ko sila eh.
pero gusto ko pa rin talaga na yung tropa ko ang makasama ko naman.

sa totoo lang, sila ang nakakapag-wala ng lungkot ko.
nakakalimutan ko talaga lahat ng problema ko pag sila kasama ko.
pero wala na ko magagawa, malayo na sila eh.
kanya-kanya na kami.

kanina nga, nakita ko sa sm si erick. isa sa mga classmate ko.
ang first love ko.
parang ayaw ko pa nga siya iwan nun, gusto ko pa makipagkwentuhan at makasama siya ng matagal kase miss na miss ko na talaga mga tropa ko.
masyadong emo pero yun ang totoo.
masyado nga kong emotional sa lahat ng bagay pero yun naman ang totoo.
kung hindi ko lang kasama si dada, malamang kakauwi ko pa lang ngayon sa sobrang dami ng kwentuhan na magagawa namin.


ganun ko kamahal mga kaibigan ko.
hinding hindi ko sila ipagpapalit sa kahit anumang bagay.
isa sila sa nagpapasaya sa buong buhay ko.


ngayon nga, puro sentimental songs pinapakinggan ko.
pahinga muna ako sa RnB.
wala din ako sa mood makinig ng mga ganun ngayon.
a totally emo.

napakadami kong iniisip ngayon.
yung mga bagay na pinaggagawa ko nung mga nakaraang araw.
haayy... sana may delete button ang utak, para isang pindot lang, mabubura mo na agad yung mga bagay na ayaw mo na talaga maalala.

that's one of my weakness.
na maalala yung mga bagay na nagkamali ako.
yung mga panahon na sobrang lungkot ko.
yung mga araw na umiyak ako dahil lang din sa maliit na bagay.
nakakapagpahina talaga sa'kin ang problema.
problema na. problema naman. problema na naman.

ayoko na. minsan talaga sinasabi ko na sa sarili ko na pagod na ko.
pero pag naiisip ko na lang yung mga taong patuloy pa rin nagmamahal sa'kin, nagkakaron pa rin ako ng lakas ng loob para magpatuloy.
nagpapasalamat ako sa kanila.
dahil sa walang sawang pagtitiwala na kaya ko ang lahat ng problema na dumarating sa'kin.

am i really supposed to be happy???

hindi ko na alam ang gagawin.
feeling ko napakasama kong tao para maging ganito ako.
pero ayoko din naman isipin na ganun.
syempre andyan pa rin si God para tulungan ka.

marunong at mahilig nga ko magbigay ng advice sa iba pero ang sarili ko, hindi ko na napapansin na kelangan din pala niya ng advice.

siguro nga ganun talaga buhay.
daming trials na pinagdadaanan.
basta andyan lang lagi si God, ang family ko at ang friends ko,
at makakaya ko na ang lahat.

GO LANI!


=(

(ORIGINALLY POSTED: 9/14/09)

; i said BORING when the MUSIC is gone ;

whenever im bored or im not doing anything, i used to listen to music.

i’ll just turn on my own DVD player and the stereo and then that’s it, i have my own party in my room. haha! joke.

nah! i just want to listen to music whenever im stress of everything.

because the truth is, Music Heals Me.

especially if im listening in RnB music, it can relax me and have a peace of mind.

and my bad mood will fade away.

sometimes, while listening to music, i write something.

for me, i can easily write or type in my blog when im listening to music.

and now that I have an MP3 again, anyway, this was my fourth time having an MP3.

and I hope that this one will last.

courtesy of Marlon. my bestfriend’s ex.

(pati ba naman yun sinama dito? haha!)

If music doesn’t exist here on earth, maybe im dying.

i also lived for music.

sometimes, i want to try writing songs but i don’t know how to play any instruments.

that’s one of my weakness.

but some say that you can write songs even if you don’t know how to play any instruments.

but still, i want to learn!

i can sing. i can write interesting stuff. i can design and create a scrapbook. i can edit and create some videos or slideshows. i can edit pictures. im always updated to music especially when it comes to what music i like.

but i can’t play any instruments. and it proves that, nothing’s really perfect.

i can also dance. it’s true. i know it’s weird to see me dancing. haha! but when i hear the beat of my favorite RnB Hiphop song, i follow the beat and then i dance alone, in my bedroom. haha!

but in my childhood years, when i was, i think im 7 to 12 years old, i really dance.

and im proud to say, Macarena and You Gotta Lick it were the two songs that were always in my playlists. (^^,)

(ORIGINALLY POSTED: 9/14/09)

; favorite MOMENTS ;

"your likeness with someone will
never fade away"

there's one person that i will never forget too.

he's one of those who helped me to forget my love who hurt me deeply.

because at the time when i was so down, he also helped me to go through all those hard times and i really appreciate every little things that he did just for me.

it's been two since year since then, it was summer 2007 when we had a friendship date.

yes, i repeat, a friendship date only.

he never courted me.

we're just friends.

we used to sharing messages through text.

maybe i could considered our status as sweet friends. haha!

then we watched a movie in cinema.

Spider-Man 3.

yeah! one of my favorite superheroes and marvel comic movie.

he just asked me to watch a movie and then i said "okay". haha!

well, just for a friend who's asking me out.

i don't see anything wrong with that.

at that time, it was summer and i didn't have any money.

and then he said, "sige, libre na lang kita tutal naman mabait ka sa'kin, ako na din bahala sa pamasahe mo pauwi, kung gusto mo lilipad tayo". haha!

what a corny statement but i really laughed hard and i also thought that it was sweet.

then after that amazing friendship date that we had, he walked me home.

and sometimes if i have no load, he would gave me a load for free. haha!

what i nice person, isn't it?

that's why i would never really forget that funny guy.

his name was Adonis Alminario.

and right now, he just graduated from nursing for only two years.

then February 2, 2009, he left the Philippines and went to America to stay with his mom and he was working right now and at the same time he's studying again.

i remember my first year moments again.

it was our symposium, he was also my schoolmate.

well, this was the real story, he was my classmate in kinder and preparatory and then he transferred form another school. and then so many years had passed, he studied again in our school when we were in first year and he's in second section.

and then, here's the scenario in our symposium, it was raining, me and my classmates were walking and we're going to the conference room. he was in my back while i was walking and suddenly i just slipped out. i was so embarrassed and then he said, "sige, lakad lang ulit, pag nadulas ka ulit, sasaluhin na kita."

oh my God! i was so shocked when he said that. i was like had frozen in the air sa sobrang kilig! well, all i could say is that, he's really nice to me. i don't know why he did all of those things just for me. and i admit it, i really missed him and as of now, we only used to chat whenever we're not busy and the time of our country that we're living is not the same.

so, we really had a lack of communication and it was so difficult. but i hope someday, we'll see each other again.

i remember that day when he said to me, "so, kelan naman ako pwede ulit pumunta sa inyo? ah, alam ko na pag 22 years old ka na saka ka siguro papayagan na. sige, maghihintay ako."

feels like there's something fishy when he said that to me. feels like he already knew that he will go to America and he's not informing me. i was also shocked when i knew that he'll migrate.

(ORIGINALLY POSTED: 9/12/09)

; full of REASONS ;

"things in life move with twists and
turns... and they happen with valid reasons"

that's true, there were so many things that happened in my life.

i can say that all of the things that happened to me, it really improved myself for the better and changed my life with the things that im capable of.

i've experienced any kind of things right now.

one of those things that i've experienced was when i hurt deeply by somebody.

im not pointing out to one person but to everybody who hurt me.

im the type of person who reminisce or remember the good things that happened to me instead reminisce or remember the bad things.

of course, it's simple, because i want to become cheerful as always.

as possible as i can, i don't want to remember the bad memories that i had.

who wants to remeber all of those kind of things anyway?

it only makes me sad.

i am a sensitive person. i don't want to be hurt by other people especially if that person is someone who's close to my heart.

yes, im really sensitive but i never show to anyone if i was hurt.

i will hide it.

and there's two reasons for it, the first one, i don't want my friends and my family to see me that im sad, worried or suffering and second, if they see me like that, i don't know what to say with them, i am more on expressing of what i really feel than saying of what i really feel.

i really don't want to show them that im tired of anything.

i want them to see me that im strong and im always ready for anything that i'll encounter even if it's bad or good. i preferred to cry and face my problem alone.

seriously, i don't want them to pity me.

and i don't want them to be worried just because of me.

i know, all the things that i've been through has a purpose.

all of the things that are happening to us right now are definitely has a purpose.

and God gave you struggles and problems but not to feel down by yourself and just ran away from it rather face it and solve it with having faith in God.

because with God, all things are possible.

don't be afraid to conquer your fear.

there's always a reason for everything.

if there's no reason for everything, we're not belong here for nothing.

life won't be real without problems.

(ORIGINALLY POSTED: 9/12/09)

; how's my love life? ; ~ part 3 ~

tadaan! and here it is, my most memorable year in highschool, fourth year.
where i've been unexpectedly crazy in loved. well, if i'll typed the whole story about it,
it doesn't make any sense at all. haha!
so, i'll just spill out a little bit something about it.

William Emmanuel Ancheta Balanquit.

yeah, that's the name. haha!
he's really a nice, very sweet, caring and thoughtful person and maybe that's why i easily fell in love with him.
we had a good chemistry. we really have so much in common.
and i thought that we're really meant to be and we're destined for each other.
i also thought that he's really the one who will be with me forever,
who will never change what he have for me,
who i can rely on every single day or maybe forever,
and who really loves me 'till eternity.
and that was my biggest mistake of thinking about.

i've woken up from the truth.
and that truth is a nightmare.
it hurt me so badly.
i really never expected that he would be the reason for my first heartaches.

(whoa! parang nasa climax na agad ako ah! haha!)

i really loved him from the very beginning until the very end.
for me, he's all that i've got and he's all that i need.
but... i know, that's not the same feelings that he really feels about me anymore.
all of my friends, and his friends, considered him as a good man, a happy-go-lucky guy, a very funny, adventurous and a trustworthy friend, respectful and walang bisyo.
that's why i really loved him very much but there's one thing problem about him, for me, he's not true when it comes to loving someone else.
i will never forget that stupid and unreasonable decision of why he left me even if he's not really mine.
and it still hurts everytime i remember it.
but im not holding on anymore.
i just want to reminisce my past about him.
i'd like to put it on my blog.

i already forgave him of what he has done but i will never forget that moment when he hurt me.
i trusted him.
he's my first date and he's the first man whom i've introduced to my parents.
we really loved each other at that time and some people said to us,

"when you're in love with each other, it doesn't mean that you'll get into a relationship already, it doesn't matter at all if you're not committed, the important is, you love each other."

(hay. ang gulo no? ganito na lang para mas maintindihan. mahal namin ang isa't isa noon, nililigawan niya ako pero ayoko pa muna talaga siya sagutin pero mahal na mahal ko na talaga siya tapos iniwan niya ko, ang mali ko lang, hindi ko agad siya sinagot pero sabi naman ng bestfriend ko, "okey nga na hindi mo agad siya sinagot, dahil kung naging kayo nga at bigalng nakipagbalikan pala yung ex niya at nakipagbreak siya sa'yo, mas lalo ka lang masasaktan, at least, hindi mo pa rin binigay lahat, may natitira pa rin sa'yo lani.")

stupidity comes in love. and that's what i did.
even though he doesn't court me anymore.
i used to hold on.
i took all my chances just to have him back.
i did everything just for him to love me back again.
i suffered. i cried. i waited. i bleed.
and that's the time when i realized.
I AM STUPID for loving him unconditionally.

minamahal ko siya nang hindi na ako sumasaya.
minamahal ko siya nang hindi ko napapansin na napapagod na pala ako.
minamahal ko siya nang walang kapalit.
tanga 'di ba?
pinipilit ko ang sarili ko sa kanya.
siya din naman kasi eh.
ayaw niyang mawala sa agos ng buhay ko.

he's been there in my mind and in my heart in three years,
but full of hurt, crying and hoping that he will come back to me.
then i just thought, i don't want it anymore.
i was tired. sick of waiting for nothing. trying so hard to fix things.
and then right now, it was totally done.
i've lost my communication with him.
no text messages, no comments on friendster, no chatting.
all of the things that has a way of getting involved with him, i just leave it and change myself for the better.
my friends and my studying helped me to moved on.
and i am really enjoying my life right now even if he's not part of my life anymore.
i am enjoying of what i am having right now.
i am very contented.

(ito na ang bagong LANI, hindi na ulit magpapakatanga at hindi na ulit magmamahal ng sobra.)

because of him, everything that i've done is what i've learned.
i became more mature and responsible for thinking the best way to be happy.
i have God, my family and my friends who's always been there for me when the time that im yearning for his love.
and what i am thinking right now is my future and not my past anymore.

"love is the greatest gift of God that we received from Him and love is the most powerful emotion in this whole universe."

"LOVE CONQUERS ALL"

P.S.: i've learned that "love is also a state of mind", kung mamahalin mo lang siya at hindi gagamitin ang utak, walang mangyayari sa'yo, dapat balance, "love is a state of heart and mind". kung nararamdaman mong mahal mo talaga siya, mag-isip. kung naiisip mong mahal mo talaga siya, pakiramdaman. masyadong komplikado gawin, but it is also the best way for you to be a great person to be loved with someone. and that's what i did. and now, i know that i deserved for someone who also deserved my love. im still searching. (^^,)

(ORIGINALLY POSTED: 9/11/09)