tadaan! and here it is, my most memorable year in highschool, fourth year.
where i've been unexpectedly crazy in loved. well, if i'll typed the whole story about it,
it doesn't make any sense at all. haha!
so, i'll just spill out a little bit something about it.
William Emmanuel Ancheta Balanquit.
yeah, that's the name. haha!
he's really a nice, very sweet, caring and thoughtful person and maybe that's why i easily fell in love with him.
we had a good chemistry. we really have so much in common.
and i thought that we're really meant to be and we're destined for each other.
i also thought that he's really the one who will be with me forever,
who will never change what he have for me,
who i can rely on every single day or maybe forever,
and who really loves me 'till eternity.
and that was my biggest mistake of thinking about.
i've woken up from the truth.
and that truth is a nightmare.
it hurt me so badly.
i really never expected that he would be the reason for my first heartaches.
(whoa! parang nasa climax na agad ako ah! haha!)
i really loved him from the very beginning until the very end.
for me, he's all that i've got and he's all that i need.
but... i know, that's not the same feelings that he really feels about me anymore.
all of my friends, and his friends, considered him as a good man, a happy-go-lucky guy, a very funny, adventurous and a trustworthy friend, respectful and walang bisyo.
that's why i really loved him very much but there's one thing problem about him, for me, he's not true when it comes to loving someone else.
i will never forget that stupid and unreasonable decision of why he left me even if he's not really mine.
and it still hurts everytime i remember it.
but im not holding on anymore.
i just want to reminisce my past about him.
i'd like to put it on my blog.
i already forgave him of what he has done but i will never forget that moment when he hurt me.
i trusted him.
he's my first date and he's the first man whom i've introduced to my parents.
we really loved each other at that time and some people said to us,
(hay. ang gulo no? ganito na lang para mas maintindihan. mahal namin ang isa't isa noon, nililigawan niya ako pero ayoko pa muna talaga siya sagutin pero mahal na mahal ko na talaga siya tapos iniwan niya ko, ang mali ko lang, hindi ko agad siya sinagot pero sabi naman ng bestfriend ko, "okey nga na hindi mo agad siya sinagot, dahil kung naging kayo nga at bigalng nakipagbalikan pala yung ex niya at nakipagbreak siya sa'yo, mas lalo ka lang masasaktan, at least, hindi mo pa rin binigay lahat, may natitira pa rin sa'yo lani.")
stupidity comes in love. and that's what i did.
even though he doesn't court me anymore.
i used to hold on.
i took all my chances just to have him back.
i did everything just for him to love me back again.
i suffered. i cried. i waited. i bleed.
and that's the time when i realized.
I AM STUPID for loving him unconditionally.
minamahal ko siya nang hindi na ako sumasaya.
minamahal ko siya nang hindi ko napapansin na napapagod na pala ako.
minamahal ko siya nang walang kapalit.
tanga 'di ba?
pinipilit ko ang sarili ko sa kanya.
siya din naman kasi eh.
ayaw niyang mawala sa agos ng buhay ko.
he's been there in my mind and in my heart in three years,
but full of hurt, crying and hoping that he will come back to me.
then i just thought, i don't want it anymore.
i was tired. sick of waiting for nothing. trying so hard to fix things.
and then right now, it was totally done.
i've lost my communication with him.
no text messages, no comments on friendster, no chatting.
all of the things that has a way of getting involved with him, i just leave it and change myself for the better.
my friends and my studying helped me to moved on.
and i am really enjoying my life right now even if he's not part of my life anymore.
i am enjoying of what i am having right now.
i am very contented.
(ito na ang bagong LANI, hindi na ulit magpapakatanga at hindi na ulit magmamahal ng sobra.)
because of him, everything that i've done is what i've learned.
i became more mature and responsible for thinking the best way to be happy.
i have God, my family and my friends who's always been there for me when the time that im yearning for his love.
and what i am thinking right now is my future and not my past anymore.
P.S.: i've learned that "love is also a state of mind", kung mamahalin mo lang siya at hindi gagamitin ang utak, walang mangyayari sa'yo, dapat balance, "love is a state of heart and mind". kung nararamdaman mong mahal mo talaga siya, mag-isip. kung naiisip mong mahal mo talaga siya, pakiramdaman. masyadong komplikado gawin, but it is also the best way for you to be a great person to be loved with someone. and that's what i did. and now, i know that i deserved for someone who also deserved my love. im still searching. (^^,)
(ORIGINALLY POSTED: 9/11/09)
where i've been unexpectedly crazy in loved. well, if i'll typed the whole story about it,
it doesn't make any sense at all. haha!
so, i'll just spill out a little bit something about it.
William Emmanuel Ancheta Balanquit.
yeah, that's the name. haha!
he's really a nice, very sweet, caring and thoughtful person and maybe that's why i easily fell in love with him.
we had a good chemistry. we really have so much in common.
and i thought that we're really meant to be and we're destined for each other.
i also thought that he's really the one who will be with me forever,
who will never change what he have for me,
who i can rely on every single day or maybe forever,
and who really loves me 'till eternity.
and that was my biggest mistake of thinking about.
i've woken up from the truth.
and that truth is a nightmare.
it hurt me so badly.
i really never expected that he would be the reason for my first heartaches.
(whoa! parang nasa climax na agad ako ah! haha!)
i really loved him from the very beginning until the very end.
for me, he's all that i've got and he's all that i need.
but... i know, that's not the same feelings that he really feels about me anymore.
all of my friends, and his friends, considered him as a good man, a happy-go-lucky guy, a very funny, adventurous and a trustworthy friend, respectful and walang bisyo.
that's why i really loved him very much but there's one thing problem about him, for me, he's not true when it comes to loving someone else.
i will never forget that stupid and unreasonable decision of why he left me even if he's not really mine.
and it still hurts everytime i remember it.
but im not holding on anymore.
i just want to reminisce my past about him.
i'd like to put it on my blog.
i already forgave him of what he has done but i will never forget that moment when he hurt me.
i trusted him.
he's my first date and he's the first man whom i've introduced to my parents.
we really loved each other at that time and some people said to us,
"when you're in love with each other, it doesn't mean that you'll get into a relationship already, it doesn't matter at all if you're not committed, the important is, you love each other."
(hay. ang gulo no? ganito na lang para mas maintindihan. mahal namin ang isa't isa noon, nililigawan niya ako pero ayoko pa muna talaga siya sagutin pero mahal na mahal ko na talaga siya tapos iniwan niya ko, ang mali ko lang, hindi ko agad siya sinagot pero sabi naman ng bestfriend ko, "okey nga na hindi mo agad siya sinagot, dahil kung naging kayo nga at bigalng nakipagbalikan pala yung ex niya at nakipagbreak siya sa'yo, mas lalo ka lang masasaktan, at least, hindi mo pa rin binigay lahat, may natitira pa rin sa'yo lani.")
stupidity comes in love. and that's what i did.
even though he doesn't court me anymore.
i used to hold on.
i took all my chances just to have him back.
i did everything just for him to love me back again.
i suffered. i cried. i waited. i bleed.
and that's the time when i realized.
I AM STUPID for loving him unconditionally.
minamahal ko siya nang hindi na ako sumasaya.
minamahal ko siya nang hindi ko napapansin na napapagod na pala ako.
minamahal ko siya nang walang kapalit.
tanga 'di ba?
pinipilit ko ang sarili ko sa kanya.
siya din naman kasi eh.
ayaw niyang mawala sa agos ng buhay ko.
he's been there in my mind and in my heart in three years,
but full of hurt, crying and hoping that he will come back to me.
then i just thought, i don't want it anymore.
i was tired. sick of waiting for nothing. trying so hard to fix things.
and then right now, it was totally done.
i've lost my communication with him.
no text messages, no comments on friendster, no chatting.
all of the things that has a way of getting involved with him, i just leave it and change myself for the better.
my friends and my studying helped me to moved on.
and i am really enjoying my life right now even if he's not part of my life anymore.
i am enjoying of what i am having right now.
i am very contented.
(ito na ang bagong LANI, hindi na ulit magpapakatanga at hindi na ulit magmamahal ng sobra.)
because of him, everything that i've done is what i've learned.
i became more mature and responsible for thinking the best way to be happy.
i have God, my family and my friends who's always been there for me when the time that im yearning for his love.
and what i am thinking right now is my future and not my past anymore.
"love is the greatest gift of God that we received from Him and love is the most powerful emotion in this whole universe."
"LOVE CONQUERS ALL"
P.S.: i've learned that "love is also a state of mind", kung mamahalin mo lang siya at hindi gagamitin ang utak, walang mangyayari sa'yo, dapat balance, "love is a state of heart and mind". kung nararamdaman mong mahal mo talaga siya, mag-isip. kung naiisip mong mahal mo talaga siya, pakiramdaman. masyadong komplikado gawin, but it is also the best way for you to be a great person to be loved with someone. and that's what i did. and now, i know that i deserved for someone who also deserved my love. im still searching. (^^,)
(ORIGINALLY POSTED: 9/11/09)
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